BEING 23

Seiring berjalannya waktu, hari demi hari, bulan demi bulan bahkan tahun demi tahun terlewati juga. So, I write this based on my experience, dan kebetulan hari ini aku gabut, jadi iseng-iseng untuk nulis lagi, Cuz why not. 

Apa yang pertama kali terlintas di benakmu ketika umur kamu bertambah? 

Personally, aku sebenarnya merasa takut, takut menjadi dewasa, namun di lain sisi aku juga bersyukur bisa melewati setiap proses kehidupan ku dan tak terasa aku sudah setengah jalan melewati umur 23. Namun di umur ku yang demikian, aku banyak merasakan pergumulan hidup, I lost myself last year, to be exact in the middle of pandemic. In that year 2020-2021 is a tough year for me, and no doubt same with 2022. yepsss, I still struggle with myself, I feel that I crisis identity, Even I don't know myself. Setiap malam bertanya-tanya sama diri sendiri, kenapaaa guaaa hidupppp?? I don't even know why I am here, in this world. Sometimes I feel sad of being me because I can't make my dream come true. Now as a jobless, I feel depressed and anxiety, not good enough for everything. Besides that, I've Got so many rejections in this year when I'm applying for the job. Some of them there is no answer, no response, but i learn one thing,,  REJECTION IS FREE LEARNING.. LOL. NGL I applied so much CV, and I apply from Jobstreet, LinkedIn, Glints, and so much so on. But yeahhhhh againnnnn,, no answer, I get an interview, after an interview, there is no answer, so if there is no answer, that's the answer right??  I called all of that is Processing...

Tiba-tiba aku pasang musik untuk membuat ku lebih enjoy, eh tau-taunya lagunya Marron 5 yang judulnya "Won't go Home without You" membuat ku makin galau, 

Every night you cry yourself to sleep

Thinking: "Why does this happen to me?

Why does every moment have to be so hard?"

Hard to believe that

I feel relatable with these lyrics. Because frequently I just cry in the middle of the night, without reason, I feel the moment that I experienced it's so hard recently. After so many hard time, I just pray to God, about why this happened to me, and praying to God just make me feel comfortable talking with him. Because I believe everything will be beautiful in its time. 

Aku percaya setiap keadaan sulit yang kamu alami saat ini, akan membuat kamu menjadi manusia yang kuat untuk berproses lebih jauh lagi. Jadi buat kamu yang masih berjuang untuk diri sendiri dan perkara apapun yang kamu lewati saat ini, percayalah itu bagian dari pendewasaan diri yang membuat kamu menjadi pribadi yang lebih tangguh. Walaupun kenyataanya untuk berjuang seorang diri itu sangat berat, namun at the end of the day you have stand with your own feet. 

Before my 23 ends 6 months later, I wish I can find myself again, and with 

•  more self-love
• Be more mindful 
• Be more sympathetic
• Be more helpful
• Confidence
• Spreading LOVEEE
• Hang out with Family, friends more
• and last but not leastttt, More Present 

, 

Soon I will make another plan " 2023 Desi Vision Board" bruhhhhhh, happy to see you always make a progress every single day, Even tho it is small progress but it's still a part of the progress.